


Hold me close

by vobo_uji



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternative Lifestyles, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Panic Attacks, please do not read if you get triggers from panic attacks, though its only light but read on your own expense i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 08:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14421939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vobo_uji/pseuds/vobo_uji
Summary: "He's not gonna give up anytime soon, huh?""Do you want him to?""...""He's Jihoon after all. He wouldn't give up easily.""He did before.""He didn't, Soonyoung. He didn't give up on you. He gave up everything... for you."or that AU where Jihoon left Soonyoung without saying anything.





	Hold me close

**Author's Note:**

> I do not claim any of the things about panic attacks to be true. I based it on my own experience.
> 
> ✘✘✘ English is not my native language. Deep apologies for inaccuracies, extreme use of tenses, grammatical & spelling errors. ✘✘✘

The group of 10 decided to meet at Wonwoo and Mingyu’s hotel-restaurant because it’s been a long time since they all hung out. Jisoo and Seokmin couldn’t attend because of hospital duties so they were only 10, currently 9, at the restaurant since they are still waiting for Seungkwan to arrive. 

They were all happily chatting with each other, catching up on missed stories, when Seungkwan came with an apologetic smile on his face. Jeonghan immediately furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s up with your face Seungkwan?”

“Did something happen?” Seungcheol worriedly asked that made Hansol stand up by his boyfriend’s side. “What’s wrong babe?” Seungkwan bites his lower lip, “You’re all gonna hate me for this.” he took a deep breath then looks at Soonyoung, “I’m sorry,hyung.”

Soonyoung was puzzled, “Huh? Why?” Seungkwan lowered his head. “I bumped to _him_ while I was on my way here. He asked me where I was going, I didn’tanswer but he knew me _too well._ I told him he couldn’tcome but he said _even if_ I don’t agree, he would stillfollow. And… _he did._ ” 

Junhui frowns at him even though he couldn’t see. “You’re not making any sense, Kwan. Who did you bump into? Who followed you? And why can’t that person come?” 

Another voice answered for Seungkwan that made him visibly flinch. “ _I_ was the one who he bumped into. _I_ followed him and I think I’m _not_ welcome anymore that’s whyI _couldn’t_ come with him.” 

They all followed where the voice was coming from and there they saw, _no other than,_ the person they searched for _everywhere_ for the past 3 years, _Lee Jihoon._ Wonwoo abruptly stood up. “You!” voice was laced with nothing but _anger._  

He was about to walk towards him but Mingyu held him back; the chef didn’t want any commotion to happen. Jeonghan stood up as well, arms crossed over his chest. “You’re right. You are _not_ welcome here. You know that _yet_ you still had the guts to show yourself.” 

It was silent as they were all glaring at him while Seungkwan still had his head bowed with Hansol comforting him quietly. Minghao suddenly exclaimed, “Hyung!” as Soonyoung collapsed on the floor, hands clutched to his chest as he gasps for air. 

Jihoon was instantly on his side, cradling his upper body close to him. “Soonyoung, can you hear me? Breathe in, breathe out, Soonyoung.” he mutters quickly. But when the older heard his voice, his heart pounded harder, body started shaking and he closed his eyes tightly. 

Wonwoo immediately shoved Jihoon away, “Get away from him!” but the latter argues, “He’s having an attack and he needs me!” Jeonghan pulls him to stand up away from Soonyoung, “Didn’t you see how he got _worse_ when he heard _your_ voice!?” he exclaimed with anger.

 _He did_ and it broke his heart but Jihoon isn’t one to back off easily, especially if it’s about _his love._ “But we have a routine to help him!” Jeonghan scoffs at him, “It _doesn’t_ help him anymore. So, _stay away._ ” then he walks towards Soonyoung. 

Jihoon was about to do the same but Minghao held him back by his shoulder. “ _Stay away._ When you left, your _so-called_ routine _didn’t_ work out for him anymore. Everything already _changed._ So, I suggest you _stay away._ ” 

His voice was different like it was hiding his anger. _Maybe it is_ because the Minghao he knows always spoke with softness. That’s why Jihoon couldn’t do anything but stand and watch the _love of his life_ in so much pain. _It was his entire fault anyway._  

Seungcheol started ordering people around. “Mingyu and Junhui get the cars. Minghao call Jisoo or Seokmin.” his voice is urgent so the three instantly scrambles to follow. 

Minghao fishes out his phone and clicks speed dial. When the call was answered, he cries out. “ _Code red,_ Jisoo hyung. I repeat, code _fucking_ red.” _Code red?_ Jihoon thinks. _What does that mean?_  

Wonwoo and Jeonghan were still on Soonyoung’s side, helping him to stay calm. Seungcheol is a step away, preparing himself to lift him up. Once they heard cars honking, he immediately scoops Soonyoung on his arms and went out of the restaurant without a word. Jeonghan, Wonwoo, and Minghao following closely.

Jihoon was about to follow as well but a hand on his wrist stopped him. He looks at the owner and was greeted with the most disappointed eyes. “ _Ch-chan…_ ” the other pulls him to a chair, “ _Sit down._ We have things to talk about.” 

Chan took a seat before looking at the couple that was still standing on the side. “ _You too,_ Kwan and Hansol hyung.” his voice was firm so the older three obliged. Once they were all sitting, “First of all, Kwan hyung, _you know_ that what you did was _very_ dangerous, right?” 

Seungkwan cried, even more, he was sobbing the moment Soonyoung fell on the floor. “I-I kn-know… I-I’m r-really s-sorry…” Hansol hugged him to his chest as Chan can only sigh heavily. 

“I’m notmad at you. I believe that _some_ of the hyungs are not too. _However…_ Cheol, Han, and Won hyung are most _probably_ disappointed.” he soothes the older’s back. 

“We understand you couldn’tdo anything because no matter what, he’ll follow you. But you _could’ve_ texted one of us and we could’vemade a plan for them to not meet.” the younger added. 

Seungkwan sniffs, “I didn’t think of that because I got nervous and I…” he heaves a breath before continuing, “I believe Jihoon hyung needs to explain his side.” Chan sighs once again, “We all know that but there’s _the right_ time for it. And it didn’t have to happen unexpectedly,Soonyoung hyung must be _ready_ to face him.” 

Seungkwan nods, “I’m reallysorry…” Chan pats his shoulder before turning to the person sitting in front of him. He stares at him for a while before speaking, “You don’t have _any_ idea how _mad_ I am but like what Kwan hyung said, I  _also_ believe you havea reason and I wantto know them _now._ ” 

Chan leans on his chair as he crosses his arms. “I need to hear them first so I can relay it to the other hyungs because I’m surethey wouldn’t want to see you after what happened today.” 

He huffs, “ _Heck,_ they wouldn’t evenwant to see you afterwhat happened 3 years ago. I wouldn’t too _but_ I need to hear your side. Now, _explain._ ” Jihoon sighs, _at least someone’s willing to know my reason._  

The latter took a deep breath before letting out a sad smile. “We all know that Soonyoung is from another class than mine. At that time, he’s the heir of the largest enterprise in the country while I’m just a struggling musician with no high family background. I worked hard every day to be on the same level as him. I want to build my own producing company but I don’t want to use any connections. I want to be noticed because of my works and… _I did._ ” 

Jihoon leans back in his chair. “I was offered to be a producer for a famous singer, and the salary is big enough to help me start my own company. _However…_ the contract states that I need to stay in L.A for at least3 years.” 

He took another deep breath as tears started to pool his eyes. “I couldn’t tell him then because we can’t handle long distance relationship. We tried before when I needed to take composing class in Japan. A few weeks in and I dropped it because he had a panic attack that led him to stay in the hospital for a day.” 

Jihoon sniffs as he looks up, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I-I… _I couldn’t handle that._ I can’t handle knowinghe had an attack and I wasn’t thereto prevent it from getting worse. From then on, we _always_ go together if the other needs to go somewhere that would take more than an hour from our apartment.” 

He looks down on his lap, letting the tears to _finally_ fall. “So I knew when I tell him about the offer, there’s no doubt he’ll go with me to the states. But I couldn’t let that happen. Not when he needs to prove himself to be worthy of the company he’s been dreaming to own ever since high school.” 

Jihoon wipes his tears as Chan pushed a glass of water in front of him. He mutters his appreciation before taking a big gulp. He heaved a deep breath before continuing. “I couldn’t deprive him of that dream especially when he’s really close to it. So I had no choice but to leave him without saying anything.” 

He breathes in as he wipes more tears. “As much as it hurt him, it hurt me _10 times worse_ because I couldn’t stop worryingabout him every _single_ day. I prayed _every night_ for him to not have any attacks but whom was I kidding?I know damn well, he’ll experience it _even more_ because of me. But I neededto stay because I made a promise to his father.” 

Chan looks at him confused, “You talkedto Mr. Kwon?” Jihoon nods, “Yes. I talked to him before I left. I explained everything and he actually agreed. _Not because_ he’s against us, but because  _he knows_ where I was coming from.” 

Jihoon took another gulp from the glass. “He was like that as well when he met Soonyoung’s mother so he understood and supported me. I told him I’d come back once his son becomes the CEO and I asked him to not let Soonyoung know.” 

He wipes the remaining tears from his face before looking at Chan. “A month ago, he personally visited me in L.A. He told me Soonyoung is finally the CEO and he’s actually there to pick me up. But of course, it wasn’t that easy so we made a deal that I’d come back in a month.” 

Jihoon lets a sad smile grace his face. “So here I am.I just came back from meeting him when I bumped into Seungkwan. He told me _everything_ that happened for the past 3 years that’s why I _insisted_ on following Kwan.”

There was a moment of silence to take it all in. It was broken when Chan’s phone started to ring. “Han hyung?” 

‘Where are you? You weren’t in any of the cars. Sorry, we only noticed now because you know how we can be at times like this.’ 

Chan smiles even though he couldn’t see him. “ _I know, hyung._ Don’t worry, I’m on my way there.” 

‘Go straight to his apartment instead. We’re almost done here.’ 

“Alright. I’ll prepare the apartment instead.”

‘Thanks, Chan. See you later.’ 

“See you, hyung. Take care.” Chan ends the call before standing up. “Hansol hyung, you should take Kwan hyung home.” Seungkwan worriedly asks, “How is he?” 

Chan smiles at him, “Don’t worry, _he’s alright._ They’re on the way to the apartment.” Seungkwan hesitates for a moment before asking, “Can we… come too?” 

The younger apologetically looks at him. “I don’t think you should _for now._ I’ll talk to them first then I’ll update you, okay?” the older nods in understanding. Jihoon suddenly stands up. “Come on, I’ll drive you there.” 

Chan shakes his head, “No need, hyung. They won’tlet you in anyway. As I’ve said, I’ll talk to them first. My number is still the same so just message me for an update.” Jihoon being the stubborn person that he is, instantly protests. “But!”

The younger placed a hand on his shoulder. “I understandyour reason and _I forgive you._ But theydon’t know yetand I’m sure they won’t forgive you anytime soon. For now, go home and take a rest.” he smiles with assurance. 

Jihoon couldn’t help but envelop the younger in a tight hug. “Thank you so much,Chan-ah. And I’m _really_ sorry for everything.” he whispers as Chan hugs back. “I’ll update you, I promise.”

///

When they made sure Soonyoung was sleeping peacefully, they gathered in the kitchen of his apartment. Minghao immediately questions the youngest. “ _Chan._ I know you _stayed_ at the restaurant.”

His statement made the older ones looks at the mentioned person in disbelief. Chan sighed in return, “I wantedto hear his reason. All of you are mad at him but he’s _still_ our friendand he needs _at least one_ of us to listen.I know _none_ of you will… _so I did._ ” 

Mingyu raises an eyebrow. “And?” Chan then began explaining everything to them. Once he was done, he adds, “So _I_ forgave him because I believe that his reason is _valid_ cause even Mr. Kwon supported him.” 

Wonwoo scoffs, “I’m still mad at him. We could’vethought of ways to make their long-distance relationship work. It should’ve beendecided by both of them.” Mingyu consoled his fiancé, “ _But babe…_ ” 

The older only shook his head. “ _No._ I couldn’t _just forget_ all the sleepless nights Soonyoung experienced because of him.” Jeonghan nods beside Chan. “As much as I understand him, I won’t forgive him _until_ Soonie does.” 

Chan hopefully looks at Seungcheol. “Cheol hyung?” the older shrugs. “If uncle understands him then I believe he is worthy to be forgiven. _However,_ my cousin’s well-being comes first so I’ll wait as well till Soonie forgives him.” 

The youngest then looks at Minghao and Junhui from across. The latter shrugs too. “I wasn’t mad in the first place, just disappointed so if he asks for forgiveness then _sure, why not._ ” 

Minghao scoffs beside him, “He still needs to _prove_ that he is worthy to be forgiven.” Chan sighs, _he knew_ it wouldn’t be easy.“Okay, at least half of you are _willing_ to forgive him.” 

Later that night, Jihoon called Chan to ask how things went. The latter suggested for him to go to Soonyoung’s apartment every day to prove himself. _Jihoon was more than willing to do so._

Chan gave him the address and he wasn't shocked to know Soonyoung moved out of their apartment. Mr. Kwon already told him it was for his well being and at least, they didn’t sell the apartment and all their things are still there. The older Kwon even gave him the keys to it so he’s currently staying there. 

The next day Jihoon woke up early to prepare himself for the day. He then drove to Soonyoung’s new apartment; he pushed the doorbell thrice before Junhui went out the door. 

///

There were a lot of conflicts inside. Wonwoo was the first one who saw him on the intercom so he automatically ignored him. He only shrugged when the others asked him about it. The second time it ringed, Minghao took the initiative to look but he also ignored it when he saw Jihoon and shrugs as well when they asked again. So the third time it ringed, Junhui took it upon himself to see who it was. And when he did, he went outside without a word.

///

Junhui greets him, “Hi, Jihoon.” said person took a step back, “Hello. Good morning.” he replied with a hopeful smile. Junhui smiles back, “Good morning. Uhm, I don’t mean to be rude but why are you here?” 

Jihoon fidgets with his fingers, “I need to see Soonyoung.” Junhui sighs, “I’m sorry but you can’t. At least, not now.” Jihoon looks at him, “But why not? Chan told me he already explained everything to you.” he argued. 

Junhui gave him an apologetic smile, “He did. But Soonyoung’s still not emotionally stable to see you. It’s only been a day, Jihoon.” the younger protests, “I know that but—“ 

The taller cuts him off, “I’m sorry but you reallycan’t. You should just leave for now. I’ll have Chan message you whenyou can visit.” Jihoon glares at him before crossing his arms, “ _No._ I won’t leave. I’ll stay here _until_ I can go inside.”

Junhui scratches his neck, “But it mighttake _days_ and you need to take care of yourself, Jihoon.” said person raises an eyebrow, “ _So?_ I can ask for food delivery and I know Chan lives above, I can shower there. I’ll only be gone for 15 minutes tops.” 

The older knew the person in front of him isn’t one to back down easily so he challenges him more. _I’m sorry, Jihoon. But you need to prove yourself to them._ “How about your change of clothes, then?” 

Jihoon thought for a moment before answering, “Seungkwan!I’ll ask him to bring me clothes from the apartment.” Junhui subtly smiles before shrugging, “ _Fine._ Suit yourself then. Just don’tring the bell anymore. Soonyoung usually wakes up late days after.” 

The smaller nods at him, “Okay.” he was about to turn around when a question popped into his mind. “ _Wait,_ where are you staying by the way? Shouldn’t you be staying at a nearbyhotel?” 

Jihoon shakes his head with a small smile, “Nope.I’m staying at _our_ apartment.” that made the older’s eyes widen, “How did you…” the former shrugs, “Mr. Kwon gave me the keys and told me to stay there instead.”

Junhui can only sigh, _Mr. Kwon really approves of you, huh?_ “Alright. I’ll go back now. Just don’t make anyruckus or something.” Jihoon nods again, “I won’t. Kindly inform them I’ll stay here until they let me in.” the taller nods, “I’ll sure do.”

Once he’s back inside, everyone was already eating but he knows they’re all waiting to know what happened so he told them everything. Wonwoo and Minghao only rolled their eyes before continuing to eat. 

Jeonghan shrugs nonchalantly, “We’ll see _if_ he can last then.” Seungcheol shrugs as well, “He’s stubborn. Let him be.” he added before sipping his coffee. Junhui shares a look with Mingyu before sighing. _You’re all being stubborn._

Unknown to them Jihoon did stay there, sitting on the carpeted floor. Luckily, the building was styled with only one apartment per floor. So he didn’t have to think about other people seeing him there. That was until Chan arrives at lunch when he received a questioning look. 

The older explained everything and Chan can only sigh before telling him he’ll buy something before disappearing. He comes back with Seungkwan and Hansol in tow; they all sat on the floor to join Jihoon for lunch even though the older argued he’s okay eating alone. Afterward, the three went inside because Seungkwan needed to apologize. 

Everything went well with Seungkwan; he explained his side and the older ones forgive him because they understood he couldn’t do anything. Later that day, Wonwoo and Mingyu went out of the apartment; the former didn’t even glance at him while the latter gave him an apologetic smile, which he returned with a tiny smile. 

It went on for a few more days; the youngest three often eats with him while Junhui and Mingyu often check on him sometimes offering him some snacks and drinks. Jihoon didn’t need to ask Seungkwan since the latter volunteered to get some of his things while he took showers at Chan’s apartment upstairs. 

On his first night, Chan insisted for him to sleep in his apartment but Jihoon argued that he needed to stay to prove himself. Knowing how determined ( _read as stubborn_ ) Jihoon is, he gave him a sleeping bag instead so he wouldn’t die by freezing. 

The next morning, Seungcheol and Jeonghan were about to buy groceries when they found him lying on the floor sleeping with just the sleeping bag. It automatically melted their hearts; _he’s still their friend after all._  

Jeonghan quietly went back inside to fetch a spare blanket then he carefully placed it on Jihoon. Seungcheol was grinning on the side; _he knew his husband cares for everyone._ Jeonghan rolls his eyes when he looks at him, “ _No one_ will know about this.” the older only kisses him on the cheek as an assurance. 

Days and nights went on like that, Jihoon staying on the floor, doing work on his laptop in the morning before dozing on the sleeping bag at night. That was until the door suddenly opens with Seungcheol stepping outside. The older hasn’t talked to him ever since he stayed there so he knew this is something else. Jihoon immediately closed his laptop and stood up as he dusted his pants. 

Seungcheol leans on the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “I just want to be clear that I already forgave you a bitbut _only because_ uncle agreed with your decision. However, I can’tforgive you fully _until_ my cousin does.”

Jihoon appreciatively smiles at him; _he’s still the softest hyung._ “Thank you, hyung. It already means so much.” Seungcheol gave him a tiny smile before speaking seriously. 

“Now,I want you to go home, eat and sleep properly. Take a long bath and make yourself look good. Then come back tomorrow once you prepared yourself because the worst is about to come.” 

Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean, hyung?” Seungcheol sighed heavily, “ _He_ knows you’vebeen staying here for days. We didn’t tell him anything but I guess hisJihoon instincts _still_ works.” 

The older uncrosses his arms, “He didn’t say anything because he thoughtyou _wouldn’t_ last. But here you are,already on the 5th day and _still_ here.We all know that _even though_ you hurt him, he _still_ worries about youso he talked to us.” 

Jihoon raises an eyebrow in confusion so Seungcheol continues, “Soonyoung wants _you_ to come inside. We protested because it wouldn’t be good for him yet. But he _insisted_ that he has a reason and we need to trust him so we will.” 

Seungcheol looks at him apologetically, “I don’t know what his reason is but _I know_ my cousin well. He’ll let you inside but he'll probablyignore your existence. He won’t evenglance at you and will act as if you weren’t even inside.” 

“That’s whyI want you to do what I said earlier. Come back here tomorrow, mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared.” he added with an assuring smile. Jihoon looks at him confused, “Physically?” 

“It’s Soonyoung,Jihoon. He won’t be able to ignore you for _too_ long. That’s why I’m suggesting for youto do what hedid all those years ago.” Seungcheol smiles that made Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows again, “What he did all those years ago?” 

Seungcheol nods, “Yes. Pursue himlike how hepursued youback on your first year in high school. You _used to_ ignore him, remember? But he was stubbornas it is so he kept bothering you. Doing things for you _even if_ you don’t tell him to.” 

He smiles at him encouragingly, “So I suggest that _you_ do the same _to him._ If he needs something, make sure you'll be the one to do it.” the older’s smile tightened a bit, “ _Except_ for things that need physical contact. I don’t think it’ll be good for him if he sees you or touches you. Hearing your voice is already dangerous as it is _but_ I’ll take the chance.” 

Jihoon nods, “I don’t think he’ll hear my voice often. I’ll only greet him in the morning and if he needs something anyway.” Seungcheol nods as well, “Right. Also,you should beinside _before_ he wakes up and you can leave oncehe’s sleeping _deeply._ ” 

The older looks away with a sad smile, “The moment you go inside tomorrow, he’ll _instantly_ know you’re there. Soonyoung _can’t…_ afford to see you leaving the door and waking up without seeing you right away. You know what I mean, _right?_ ” 

Little did he know, Jihoon’s heart broke but he masked it by nodding, “Thank you for doing this, Cheol hyung.” said person shrugs, “Don’t thank me yet, we don’t knowif it’ll work and I’m only doing this becauseI want him to completely healand… _you’re the only one capable of doing it._ ” 

**The next day**

Jihoon had been preparing himself for the worse since yesterday; _he made sure his heart is prepared for the incoming heartbreak._ He didn’t know what to expect so he was nervous _yet_ excited to see the love of his life again, _to get to know him_ _again._  

He arrived as early as he can; Seungcheol opened the door for him. Wonwoo was still ignoring him but Jeonghan and Minghao, slightly lowered their defense against him as they both acknowledged him when he got inside though they didn’t talk to him after.  _At least, there’s improvement._  

Seungcheol, Junhui, and Mingyu kept him company by the bar area while the other three are eating on the dining table. After an hour or so, they heard shuffling coming from Soonyoung’s room before the apartment owner came to view, walking while rubbing his eyes. 

Jihoon was about to greet him when Seungcheol stopped him. “Not yet.He isn’t fully awake yet. I’ll give you a signal, okay?” the former can only nod as he watches Soonyoung sat on Jeonghan’s lap. 

“Good morning, Hanie hyung.” Soonyoung muttered sleepily that made Jeonghan smile as he rubs his back comfortingly. “Good morning, sunshine. How was your sleep?” the former buried his face on the older’s hair, “It’s fine.” 

Mingyu then places a full plate in front of them. “Good morning, Soonie hyung. I prepared your favorite breakfast.” Soonyoung looks at the plate before smiling wide, “Thank you, Gyunie! You’re the best cook!” Mingyu just winks in return. 

 _Heartbreak #1: Jihoon remembers those days when he used to cook for Soonyoung and the latter always says that he is a better cook than Mingyu._  

Soonyoung then gave Wonwoo the puppy look. “Nonu? Feed me please.” he pleads to the male beside them. Wonwoo ruffles his hair before grabbing the utensils to feed him while he’s still sitting on Jeonghan’s lap. 

Jihoon raises an eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything. He knew he didn’t have the right yet so he just watches the scene unfold before him reluctantly. Once Soonyoung finishes his meal, he turns to Jeonghan again. 

“Hanie hyung, can you bathe me please?” he pleads with a pout. Jeonghan chuckles at how cute he looked, “Of course, Soonie. But you need to walk there, alright?” 

Soonyoung instantly stood up before enthusiastically pulling the older. “Let’s go, hyung!” the older can only laugh before letting himself be pulled towards the bathroom inside the master's bedroom. 

Before closing the bedroom door, Soonyoung exclaims. “Cheollie hyung! I’m borrowing Hanie hyung!” Seungcheol screams back, “Just return him complete please!” before he laughs loudly because he’s already used to it. 

However, the male in front of him wasn’t so when he turns to him he was met with an eyebrow raised, waiting for an explanation. Seungcheol chuckles a bit, “You should get used to it. Soonyoung is in one of his moods.” he shrugs nonchalantly. 

Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows, “One of his moods?” Seungcheol props his elbows on the bar counter. “Days after his attack he sometimes wants to be pampered like a kid or he completely ignores us until he needs something. Though most of the time it’s just a normal day. I guess he’s in the mood to be a kid today.” 

“And what does he meant when he asked Jeonghan hyung to bathe him?” Jihoon questioned with a frown. Seungcheol shrugs, “It is what it is, Jihoon. He asks one of us to _fully_ bathe him.He’s naked and all that. Just like a real kid.” 

Jihoon felt his nerves tickling at the thought of others seeing his love in such an intimate state. Seungcheol pats his shoulder, “It has _always_ been like that ever sinceyou left Jihoon. You _couldn’t_ just change it once you come back.” he mutters before leaving him on the counter to place their finished plates on the sink. 

Mingyu and Junhui who was listening to their conversation gave him an apologetic smile. Jihoon took a deep breath as he massages his temple. _It’s going to be a long day and even longer days ahead._  

When Soonyoung comes back, he plops down on the sofa automatically snuggling to Minghao who was sitting there while watching a random show. “Hewow Hao hao.” he childishly greeted. 

Minghao chuckles before replying playfully, “Hewow Soonie hyungie.” Soonyoung lightly laughs before asking for the remote, which the younger hands him; letting him choose what to watch. 

Jihoon was still sitting on the bar stool, silently watching and observing things when Seungcheol cleared his throat. “Soonie?” said person hummed without looking at him, too engrossed in the cartoon. 

“Uhh… remember what you asked us yesterday morning?” the older carefully asked; the younger nods once. “Well… uhm…” Seungcheol didn’t know how to say it without ruining his cousin’s mood. 

He didn’t have to continue because Soonyoung spoke with a low voice making the air tensed. “ _I know._ I already saw him from the bedroom door.” Jihoon’s heart pounded while everyone went silent; they didn’t know what to do. After a bit, Soonyoung speaks again but this time his voice was back to being childlike.

“Junie, can we watch my favorite movie please?” he asked Junhui who was sitting close to the stack of DVDs. Everyone releases the breath they didn’t know they held. Junhui smiles at Soonyoung, “Of course, Cars right?” the latter excitedly nods. 

 _Heartbreak #2: that was the movie they watched on their first date all those years ago. Jihoon was reluctant at first because who would watch a kid movie for their first date? Well, apparently the two of them because the moment he saw Soonyoung’s eyes sparkled out of excitement he found himself sighing as he buys two tickets._   

The rest of the day went like that, Soonyoung with his childlike mood, always asking cutely and excitedly. Jihoon just watches from the bar stool because Seungcheol advised him to just watch for the meantime so he can memorize Soonyoung’s daily routine. 

When sleep time came, Soonyoung was squished between Seungcheol and Jeonghan (“His pick for the night.” Mingyu whispered as he explained that it changes every night) with the oldest stroking his hair while the other sings him a lullaby. 

 _Heartbreak #3: it was like that before too. Soonyoung couldn’t sleep without Jihoon stroking his hair while softly singing to him._  

After 5 minutes though, Seungcheol gestured for him to go closer, he was reluctant but the older insisted so he did. The former grabs his hand before carefully placing it on Soonyoung’s head as he slowly removes his. 

His eyes widen in panic as he didn’t want to wake Soonyoung up but Seungcheol just gave him an encouraging smile before carefully standing up while he lightly pushes Jihoon to take his place. 

Jihoon carefully lies down beside Soonyoung as he strokes his hair. When the latter moved, they all held their breaths before gaping like a fish. As Soonyoung moved closer to Jihoon, _almost_ snuggling to his side. 

He looks at the others, Seungcheol, Junhui, and Mingyu gave him a wide grin. Minghao smiles at him while Jeonghan gave him a little nod as he kept singing. Wonwoo was nowhere to be found but he wouldn’t dwell on that for now. _The important thing is Soonyoung’s snuggling to him again._  

(Ever since then Jihoon would replace whoever strokes Soonyoung’s hair at night and _every time_ Soonyoung would move _closer_ to him.) 

**A few days after**

Soonyoung slowly walks out of his room, he stops by the door peaking to see if there’s a figure sitting at the bar counter. There was none and he heard his heart broke. _Did he give up already?_

Seungcheol who was walking towards the kitchen, saw him unconsciously frowning so the older hides a smile. Already knowing what his cousin is probably thinking and because he didn’t want him to have an attack, he gets his attention. 

“Oh! You’re awake early today, Soonyoung!” he greets with a smile. “Good morning, hyung! I don’t know what it is but I slept really good last night.” he greets back with the same smile. _Deep inside he knows though._  

 _And his older cousin knows it as well; his night plans worked out._ Seungcheol smirks at him, “Come here! The food is ready!” Soonyoung walks into the kitchen and he stops in his tracks. 

 _There he is._ The figure he was looking for just a while ago currently had his back facing him. Junhui went beside him, “We woke up to him already preparing to cook.” he whispered with a smile. 

If Soonyoung’s heart reacted in _any_ way, he didn’tlet it be shown so instead he turns to Mingyu. “Gyunie! What’s for breakfast?” Mingyu raises an eyebrow but Wonwoo nudged him hard making him sigh. 

“Bacon and eggs with butter toast and your favorite homemade chocolate drink.” the taller smiled. Soonyoung beamed, “Oh! Thank you! When will it be ready?” he asked as he sat down beside Jeonghan who’s already eating his breakfast. 

Before Mingyu can answer, a plate was placed in front of him then his favorite cup full of his favorite morning drink came right after. Soonyoung blinks twice before turning to Mingyu again, “Thank you, Gyunie!” the younger can only smile. 

Even though the ‘thank you’ wasn’t directed to him, Jihoon felt satisfied just by seeing the love of his life eating the meal he prepared. (He had to wake up really early to drive for two hours just to buy the special cocoa Soonyoung loves.) _It’s all worth it, of course._  

Soonyoung’s mood for the day was fairly normal so he took a long bath after finishing his breakfast then he went to his office room; making the others attend to their own works as well. 

Wonwoo and Mingyu went out to visit their business but not without the former glaring at Jihoon as he says, “If _anything_ happens to him I’d only blame you _no matter what._ ” 

Jihoon couldn’t even reply as the taller already walked to Soonyoung’s office, letting him know they’d be gone for a while but they’ll come back at night. Soonyoung shooed him away, telling him they didn’t need to come back and they should just spend some quality time. 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes at him, “I’d come back because he’s still here.” that alone made Soonyoung quietly go back to his work. Mingyu pats his back before pulling Wonwoo out of the apartment. 

Jeonghan and Minghao also went out to grocery shop and to fetch more clothes from their apartments. And that leaves Seungcheol, Junhui, and Jihoon on the living room with laptops in front of them.

They were all quietly working for an hour when Soonyoung calls out. “Can someone _please_ get me a glass of water? I’m about to have a video meeting so I can’t go out. Thank you!” 

Seungcheol and Junhui looked at each other as Jihoon instantly rises up and walks to the kitchen. They both grinned when the younger went out with a glass of water but frowns when he handles it to Junhui. 

“Give this to him.” Jihoon muttered making the older frown even more. “ _You_ do it.” Junhui retorted before sticking his tongue out. Jihoon rolled his eyes, “He mightsee me. It won’tbe good for him.”

Seungcheol scoffs, “He _already_ saw you and _nothing_ went wrong. Just place it on his desk where he can see it.” Jihoon was about to argue when Junhui nudges him a bit. “Go on. It's your chance.” 

Jihoon puffs a breath before walking towards the office. He took a deep breath before knocking twice. Once he heard a faint ‘come in’, he opens the door and was greeted by Soonyoung’s back. 

He took a step inside and he saw how Soonyoung instantly tensed. Jihoon quickly places the glass of water on the desk and was about to close the door when he heard a faint ‘thank you’. _Jihoon wasn’t sure if he heard it right but he’ll take it._

Jihoon walks into the living room with a smile on his face. Seungcheol immediately asked what happened but he only shrugs before going back to his work. The older was about to nag but Junhui butted in. 

“Let him be,hyung. Let’s give it to him. _Whatever_ that may be.” he smiles knowingly. Seungcheol reluctantly sighed and went back to answering emails. _At least, it’s working._  

When Jeonghan and Minghao came back, Jihoon volunteered to cook for them again. No one could complain because the latter was already getting ingredients from the grocery bags. 

Jihoon was about to finish cooking when a voice excitedly uttered in the hallway. “I can smell the aroma even when my door is closed. It smells so good! What’s up for lunch---?” 

The voice halts as he noticed Junhui sitting on the bar stool instead of cooking. Junhui smirks at him, “I’m not the one cooking, Soonyoung. So, I don’t really know.” said person gave him a face which he returned with a playful chuckle. 

Jeonghan then playfullycuts in, “Mr. Cook,what’s our lunch?” Jihoon looks at him weirdly; the older just winks at him. _Play along this is your chance._ So he utters in an enthusiastic voice, “I prepared smoked salmon with some roasted broccoli on the side. I hope you guys don’t mind?” 

Minghao, who was preparing the table, couldn’t help but smirk because that’s _exactly_ what Soonyoung oftenrequests after working for straight hours. “Of course, we don’t mind! _That’s_ exactlywhat we want!” he teasingly replied. 

Jihoon chuckles, “I prepared this with _you_ in mind so I hope _you’ll_ like it.” he casually retorts as he turns back to finish roasting the broccoli. Seungcheol gives Soonyoung a look since just stood there with wide eyes. “You good, Soonie?”

The younger looks at him blinking, “Huh? Uhm… yeah. I just thought of something.” Soonyoung scratches his nape, “I’ll just go back to my office. Call me when lunch is ready.” 

He was about to walk out when a voice resonated, “ _Lunch is ready._ ” Soonyoung tightly closes his eyes as he took deep breaths before turning around. The other four already sitting and waiting for him on the table. 

He took his seat without a word and as soon as he did, a plate was placed in front of him alongside a glass of apple juice. Everyone then started to eat but Soonyoung thought _something_ was wrong. He subtly looks around the table, from his peripheral he saw a figure eating alone on the bar counter. _Why is he eating there when there’s a free seat here?_

He didn’t know why but as he cuts his salmon, he mutters under his breath but enough for everyone to hear. “Why are _you_ eating alone? There’s a free seat beside Jeonghan hyung.” 

Everyone halts their movements; Seungcheol who was about to bite his broccoli, stopped midway, eyes widening. Junhui’s jaw literally dropped beside him while Minghao stopped cutting his salmon. Jeonghan looks at him surprised and the figure on the bar, completely frozen in shock. 

Jihoon’s heart is beating twice as fast and he couldn’t comprehend if he heard it right or his mind is making things up and playing with him. However, it was real because Soonyoung spoke again still muttering but with the silence of the room, they heard it clearly. 

“You’re _not_ an outsider. You _can_ eat with us. If you’re worriedabout me then you shouldn’t. I’m good as long as I don’t see you face to face.” then he went back to eating as if nothing happened. 

The others look at Jihoon who was gaping and still frozen. Jeonghan took it upon himself to pull the younger out his reverie. “Come on. _It’s going to be okay._ ” he whispers as he grabs the younger’s plate and glass. 

Jihoon blinks thrice before walking towards the table and seating beside Jeonghan who gave him an assuring smile. He looks towards Seungcheol who just winks at him before resuming to eat his broccoli; Jihoon sighed before eating as well. 

After everyone finishes eating, Soonyoung volunteered to wash the dishes but Jihoon argued quietly, “ _I’ll do it._ You guys still have work to do.” the former stops gathering the dishes and quietly retreats to his bedroom. 

Everyone except Jihoon saw the confusion and worry on his face the moment Jihoon finishes his statement. The latter didn’t saw, as he was busy gathering the dishes instead. Jeonghan gives his husband a signal to go after his cousin, which he gladly did. 

Junhui was about to help Jihoon but the younger slaps his hands away. “I said I’d do it. You can go back to your work.” Junhui hesitates, “Are you sure?” Jihoon only nodded; the three shrugs before leaving him alone. 

/// 

Seungcheol knocks once before entering Soonyoung’s bedroom. He found his cousin laying on the bed an arm above his eyes. The former sits beside him, “A penny for your thoughts?” 

Soonyoung visibly sighs, “You all probably know his reason by now, right?” Seungcheol smiles, “Yes. Why?” but the younger ignores his question and instead asks his own. “He’s not gonna give up anytime soon, _huh?_ ” 

Even though he’s itching to know the answer to his question, Seungcheol chose to tease his cousin a bit. _Just to know something._ “ _Do you want him to?_ ” but silence was his cousin’s only reply so he sighs before answering him. 

“He’s Jihoon after all. He wouldn’t give up easily.” Soonyoung was silent again but after a few seconds, he quietly replies. “ _He did before._ ” Seungcheol looks at him with a sad smile. “He _didn’t_ Soonyoung. He didn’t give up _on_ you.He gave up everything… _for_ you.” 

Soonyoung slowly sat up before looking at him with wavering and confused eyes. “W-what d-do y-you m-mean?” he stuttered; the older grabs his hands. “It’s betterif you’ll hear it from him.” 

The younger stared into his eyes, looking for assurance so he smiled at him. “Don’t worryabout anything, Soonie. _Everything will be fine._ Just hear him out, okay?” he muttered before enveloping the younger in a tight hug. 

“You’re doing good, Soonyoung. I know you know he’s been the one stroking your hair at night and doing almost all the housework. You saw him a lot of times already and even heard his voice. We both know it stopped affecting you in a bad way the moment you allowed him to come inside the apartment. Now if you can, you should also allow him to come back inside _your heart_.” the older spoke knowingly. 

Soonyoung pulls away wiping a few tears that fell. “Howcan I do that when he’s _always_ been here?” he muttered lowly making Seungcheol grin wide. “That’s my boy.” he ruffles the younger’s hair before continuing, “What’s your plan now?” 

The former thought for a moment before smiling at him. “Gather everyone tonight. I’ll announce something after dinner.” the latter nods, “Alright. I’ll tell Wonwoo and Mingyu to come back before dinner.” 

Later that night when everyone finishes the dinner that Jihoon  _once again_ prepared. They all settled in the living room while said person sat on the barstool. “What’s up, Soonie? Cheol hyung said you’d announce something?” Wonwoo asked beside him. Said person clears his throat before speaking, “I want the 6 of you to go home and _never_ come back until I say so.” 

“What? _Why?_ ” the taller exclaimed in disbelief. Soonyoung shrugs, “You’ve been taking care of me for almosttwo weeks now and you stillhave work to attend _which_ you couldn’t _properly_ do! Also, becauseyou guys haven’thad _any_ quality time with each other anymore.”

Soonyoung glares at his best friend, “ _I know_ you canceled your vacation with Mingyu to Hong Kong because of _me._ ” Wonwoo rolls his eyes, “It doesn’tmatter! We can always go there anytime!And who’s going to take care of you, _huh?_ ”

The older points at Jihoon who widens his eyes in shock as Soonyoung casually answers, “ _Him._ ” Wonwoo glares at his best friend, “ _No!_ Soonyoung! You know its bad for you!” he argued. 

Soonyoung sighs visibly as he holds his shoulder. “Won, I appreciate you caring for me. _I really do._ But days passed with him here and _nothing_ happened.” Wonwoo wasn’t having any of it though. “That’s because you haven’thad physical nor eye to eye contact with him!” 

The former looks at his cousin for help so Seungcheol cuts in. “ _Wonwoo,_ it's Soonyoung’s decision. I believe he knowswhat’s good for him and what’s not.” Wonwoo looks at him in disbelief before turning to Jeonghan and Minghao who were being quiet. 

“You won’t back me up?” he asked incredulously. Jeonghan sighs, “Sorry Won but Cheol is right. Even though Soonyoung went through a lot, we _can’t_ set aside the fact that the _only_ thingthat can _truly_ heal him is none other than hearing Jihoon’s side.” 

Minghao looks at him apologetically. “I’m sorry too, hyung. But as Soonyoung hyung said, it’s been dayssince Jihoon hyung was here and _nothing_ happened.” he scratches his nape before continuing, “I’m _honestly_ thankful that Soonie hyung had been sleeping _really_ wellthe past couple days and he eats _a lot more_ when Jihoon hyung cooks. I noticed that and I’m sure everyone else did  _including you._ ” 

Soonyoung nudges Wonwoo to look at him, which the latter did. “Nonu… just _trust me_ on this, please? _I promise_ the moment I feel something bad I’ll call you right away.” Wonwoo stared at him hard, which he returned pleading through his eyes. 

After a minute, Wonwoo huffs annoyed that he can’t resist his best friend. “ _Fine._ But if _anything_ happens to you, he will _never_ see you _ever_ again.” Soonyoung smiles at him before hugging him. “Thank you, Nonu. You’re the best.” 

Wonwoo automatically hugs back, “I _swear_ to everything, if _anything_ happens to you while you’re alone with him, he’ll _never_ see the sun again.” he whispered that made the older pull away chuckling. “I don’t think that’s necessary, Wonwoo.” 

Soonoyung turns to the rest with a genuine smile. “I want to thank you guys for _everything._ I haven’t really said this but I _really_ appreciate youfor taking your time to take care of me. Not just this time but _every_ single timefor the past years. I’m really grateful _but_ it’s about time I take things on my own.” 

There was a long pause before Mingyu exclaims, “Group hug!” then they all engulf Soonyoung in a big hug. Jihoon just watches from where he is subtly wiping the tear that fell.  _He, too, felt really grateful for everyone who had been with Soonyoung when he couldn’t be._

But he’ll do that later, for now, he needs to prepare himself on what’s about to happen once the rest walks out the door, leaving the two of them to patch things up. 

Once they pull away, Soonyoung instantly shooed them away. “Now, _go!_ Have your quality time and don’tforget to use protection!” he spoke playfully before laughing. The others shake their heads at him while Jeonghan slaps his back. 

“Ya! Make sure _you_ don’t forget about that too!” he teasingly retorted with a wink. Soonyoung chose to ignore him but Jihoon blushed profusely and Seungcheol saw as he walks towards him. “This is your chance. Tell him _everything,_ okay?” he whispers as pats his head with an encouraging smile. 

Jihoon cleared his throat, “Ye-yeah. Of course.” the older pats his head again. “Call us if you need anything.” the former nods with a thankful smile. “Thank you for everything, hyung.” Seungcheol only grins at him in return. 

Soonyoung took it upon himself to open the door seeing as his friends were being slow. “What are you guys waiting for?Go home and have some fun!” he exclaimed with a smile. Minghao was the first one to walk towards him, he hugs him tight as he whispers. “Take care of yourself, Soonie hyung.” 

The older hugs back with a smile, “I will. Thanks, Hao hao.” he ruffles his hair before pulling away just as Junhui slaps his arm. “Eager to _have some_ _fun_ on your own?” he teasingly uttered as he wiggles his eyebrows. 

The younger rolls his eyes, “Shut up.” Junhui only laughs before tapping his shoulder and walking out the apartment with Minghao by his side. Mingyu then walks to him and hugs him as well. “You know I love you hyung but I really miss my Wonie.” he cutely whispered. 

Soonyoung chuckles, “ _I know,_ Gyu. You can have him back now. Just make sure he can still walk, alright?” he teased. Mingyu only winks at him that made them both laugh until Wonwoo pushed Mingyu because he heard their conversation. 

His fiancé pouts at him but he ignores it as he glares at his best friend again. “Call me _any_ time of the day, okay? Even if it’s two in the morning.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, “Yes, father.” he stubbornly sticks his tongue out.

But Wonwoo gave him a stern look. “ _I’m serious,_ _Kwon._ ” Soonyoung reluctantly nods, “ _I know._ Just go home already. The big puppy misses you.” Wonwoo scoffs but didn’t say anything and walks out with Mingyu trailing behind him. 

Jeonghan hugs Soonyoung as he whispers, “He loves you. He _really_ does.” the latter tightened the hug as he also whispers, “ _I do, too._ That’s whyI’m giving him a chance.” 

The former pulls away smiling and was about to say something when his husband cuts in. “We’ll go ahead. Call us, okay?” then he hugs his cousin, “He’ll explain everything. Listen to him first then you can ask after.” he muttered under his breath. 

Soonyoung pulls away, nodding with a grateful smile. “Thank you for everything, Cheollie hyung.” said person ruffles his hair with a grin, “ _Anything_ for my favoritecousin.” the younger grins at him wide. 

Once the last couple left, Soonyoung closes the door and locks it. The room then becomes tensed with silence filling it from every corner. He went back to the sofa, pulling a pillow on his lap and staring at it. “We can’t talk if you’re far.” Soonyoung quietly muttered. Jihoon blinks twice before scrambling to a single chair.

The older visibly sighs. “Sit beside me.” the latter’s eyes widen, “A-are y-you s-sure?” Soonyoung nods, “I don’t mean for you to sit really close just on the same couch.” Jihoon nervously replies, “O-oh… o-of co-course.” then he carefully sat beside him leaving ample space between them. 

There was a beat of silence before the former takes a deep breath as he closes his eyes then he slowly turned his body to sit with legs folded in front of him, facing Jihoon who was holding his own breath. 

“Sit like this too but don’t close your eyes. Tell me when you’re done.” Soonyoung uttered quietly. Jihoon although confused did as he was told. Now, there’s only a bit of space between them knees barely touching. “I’m done.” 

After he said that, the older took deep breaths before he starts to slowly open his eyes. Jihoon already understanding what he’s planning to do instantly panicked. “Y-ya! Wh-whatever you plan to do stop it! It’s not good for you! _I still want to see you after this!_ ” 

His last statement made Soonyoung halt his movement. He almost let out a smile but he kept it in. “ _Relax._ I know what I’m doing.” he casually retorted but Jihoon doesn’t believe him. “Soonyoung! _No!_ ” 

Said person was eager though. “Soonyoung, _yes!_ Let me do this _or_ you’ll have to go outand I’ll lock the door so you won’tbe able to come inside again.” he challenged; the younger still tried to argue. “But Soonyoung…”

“ _Choose._ ” Soonyoung sternly replied. Jihoon can only sigh; he knowshow stubborn the other is. “ _Fine._ But let me prepare to call Seungcheol hyung.” before he can even move Soonyoung authoritatively spoke. 

“ _No._ You don’t have to. You’re here to take care of me, _remember?_ I presume you already knowhow to take care of me.” Jihoon was still hesitant. “But---“ the older cuts him off again. “I said _no._ ” the younger can only sigh reluctantly. “Okay.” 

Soonyoung then took another deep breath before continuing to slowly open his eyes. It was really slow and Jihoon was panicking on the inside so it felt even slower. Once his eyes fully opens, the older blinks a few times before focusing in front of him. 

He was greeted with the eyes he missed _so damn much._ Jihoon was staring at him nervously but eyes are showing _everything_ to him openly.Soonyoung stared back but tears pooled his own then he felt his chest constrict and before he knew it he started to gasp for air. 

Jihoon panicked even more eyes widening. “ _Shit!_ Soonyoung!” he crosses the space between them as he frantically searches his side. “Where’s your phone? I’ll call them!” Soonyoung tried his best to reply, “N-no… d-do-nt…” 

The younger looks at him bewildered. “ _Soonyoung!_ What no? _Damn it!_ ” he searches for his own phone instead but said person grasps his hand, making him look at him again. “D-do… o-ou-r… o-ol-d… r-ro-rou-ti-ne…” he uttered in between gasping for air. 

Jihoon felt his own chest tighten. “B-but…” Soonyoung squeezes his hand; he was left with no choice so he took a deep breath before he manhandles the older so he can sit on his lap. 

Then he caresses his face with both hands before softly uttering, “ _Love,_ look at me. I’m here. Your Jihoonie is here. It’s okay love. Everything’s okay.” Soonyoung looks at him, he smiles softly. “Remember our breathing exercise? Do it with me, my love. Breathe in.” 

The older does as he was told which Jihoon was thankful for. “Breathe out. Slowly, love. Breathe in.” he muttered full of care and affection. They did that until Soonyoung’s breathing went back to normal. 

But he was still shaking so Jihoon pulls him to his chest, rubbing his back tenderly. “ _Relax,_ Soonie. Just be calm and take deep breaths.” Soonyoung stutters, “D-don’t ca-call m-me th-that.” 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” the former instantly apologizes as he caresses his hair gently. The latter wraps his arms around his waist before speaking, “C-call m-me wh-what y-you us-used t-to.” 

Jihoon smiles at that. “Relax, _Youngie._ I’m here. You have me.” the older tightens his hug before taking a deep breath. “ _Don’t leave me, Hoonie._ _Please._ ” he pleaded in almost a whisper. 

The younger heard his heart broke at Soonyoung’s statement. Tears suddenly formed in his eyes. _He couldn’t believe the love of his life is pleading for him._ “Y-yes. I won’t leave, love.I’ll stay here with you.” he replied before kissing Soonyoung’s head. 

Soonyoung buried his face on Jihoon’s neck, snuggling to him tightly as he makes himself small on his lap with his legs almost around the latter’s hips. Jihoon adjusted them so he can snuggle even more; he also tightened his hold on him, burying his face in the former’s hair. 

They stayed like that for an hour or so until Soonyoung stops shaking and Jihoon felt his chest go up and down normally. He slightly pulls away enough to see Soonyoung’s face. “Are you okay?” he worriedly asked. 

The older stares at him for a moment, trying to gauge his body’s reaction, when nothing happened he slowly nods. Jihoon softly caresses his hair. “Do you think we can talk now? Or do you want to sleep first?”

Soonyoung instantly went back to hugging him tightly. “ _No!_ I don’t want to sleep! Y-you… mi-might leave again…” he argued weakly making Jihoon’s heart break for the nth time. 

He made the former look at him before caressing his face with one hand. “Listen, Youngie. I won’t leave you again.You can sleep. _I promise_ I’ll be the first thing you’ll see when you open your eyes tomorrow.” 

The older was stubborn  _or actually,_ the fear is still there. “ _No!_ I’m not yet tired! We can still talk!” Jihoon sighs, “But Youngie, you’ve been working the whole day. You should rest. It’s not good for your body.” 

JIhoon holds his hand tightly. “I _really_ promise, I won’t leave your side.You can sleep on top of me if you want. Or you can tie our wrists together. Just _please,_ sleep for now.” he adds on with an assuring smile. 

Soonyoung frowns but he can already feel the tiredness creeping on him. So he pouts and crosses his arms like a child instead. “ _Fine._ I’ll sleep on top of you so you can’t move.If I don’t see you the moment I open my eyes consider yourself dead, okay?” 

If they were in a different situation, Jihoon would’ve laughed at how childish his lover is but he can only smile at him. “Yes, Youngie. I really promise I won’t leave.” Soonyoung childishly huffs, “You’re _carrying_ me to the bedroom, by the way.” 

Jihoon couldn’t help it anymore so he softly chuckles. “Yes, boss!” then he carried his big baby towards the bedroom. He gently places him on the bed and was about to move when said big baby grabs his wrist tight. “Where are you going?” 

He demanded that made the younger smile. “I’m going to turn off the lights outside.” Soonyoung shakes his head with a frown. “You can turn it off using a remote.” he points at the bedside table. “There. Use that one.” 

“Alright. But you still need to let go of me for a second so I can grab it.” Jihoon explained with a smirk. Soonyoung pouts before reluctantly letting go of his wrist. The former walks toward the side of the bed then he grabs the remote.

The moment he presses the button. “Now, come on.” Soonyoung instantly demands; he’s already under the comforter lying down with his left arm outstretched to grab Jihoon’s shirt.

Making said person chuckle once again before lying down beside him. Jihoon made sure they're both fully covered by the comforter before turning his head towards the other. “Are you really sleeping on top of me?” 

Soonyoung nods determined. “ _Of course!_ ” then he moves to lie atop the younger. Said person can only smile as he wraps his arms around the former’s waist. “Goodnight, Youngie. Sleep well.” 

The older nuzzles his face on his neck again before muttering quietly, “Goodnight, _my Jihoonie._ ” the younger smiles wide before tightening his hold as he closes his eyes and lets himself drift to dreamland.

The next morning, Jihoon was woken up by something tickling his neck. He opens his eyes and instantly smiles; Soonyoung was nuzzling his neck and peppering it with soft kisses. He smoothens his back to let him know he’s awake. 

Soonyoung looks up at him, a bright grin plastered on his face. “Good morning, Hoonie.” Jihoon imitates his grin, “Good morning too, Youngie. How was your sleep?” the former widens his grin, “The best I’ve had since forever.”

Jihoon ruffles his hair with a smile before he attempted to move. However, Soonyoung wouldn’t allow it so he nuzzled his neck again. “Don’t move, Jihoonie.” said person giggles, “But love… I need to prepare your breakfast.” 

The older looks up at him with an eyebrow raised. “ _My_ breakfast?” the younger grins at him, “ _Our_ breakfast.” Soonyoung smiles, “Okay. But I’m clinging on your back.” 

Jihoon playfully sighs, “I won’t go anywhere but the kitchen, love.” the older sits on top of him before crossing his arms and pouting. “Still!” the former sat up as well, careful not to let his lover fall. “Okay, you big baby!” he teased. 

Soonyoung clings his arms around his neck. “But I’m _your_ big baby.” he retorts with a big smile that made the younger pinch his cheeks. “Of course, you are _._ Now, hold on tight, _my_ big baby.” 

The older tightens his hold as Jihoon carefully stood up from the bed. He walks out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen with a clinging Soonyoung in front of him. Once they reached the kitchen, the latter hops down and proceeds to back hug him. Jihoon can only giggle at how cute the love of his life is. 

He started preparing their breakfast and all throughout, Soonyoung is quietly rubbing his face on his head and he tightens his hold on his waist every now and then. Whenever that happens, Jihoon places a hand on his arms to reassure him. 

_He knows him very well; he knows Soonyoung’s doing it to assure himself that this is real… that Jihoon is really there with him._

After having a comfortable breakfast (with Soonyoung on Jihoon’s lap as the latter feeds him) they are currently sitting on the couch, the former still on the younger’s lap. Soonyoung looks at him, “You can explain now, Hoonie. I’ll listen.”

Jihoon nods before taking a deep breath. “We both know how you were always on a different level than I am… and you know how much I wanted to prove myself to be worthy of you.” Soonyoung was about to protest when Jihoon cuts him off, “Listen first, Youngie.” said person reluctantly nods.

“You also know that I want to build my own company with my own money. That’s why I worked hard every day to be noticed solely by my talent and not by any connections.” he continued before scratching his nape nervously. 

“Well… _I did._ I was offered to be a producer for a celebrity and it comes with a salary enough to start my own company. _But…_ I needed to stay in L.A for at least 3 years.” he plays with Soonyoung’s hand as he took another deep breath. 

“I didn’t tell you because _I know_ you’ll come with me without a second thought. But at that time, you were proving yourself to be worthy of the company you’ve been dreamingto own since our high school days. And we… we _can’t_ do long distance relationship because it’s bad for you.” he holds the older’s hands tightly. 

“That’s why I left. I left _not_ becauseI don’t love you anymore. I left because _I love you so much_ I was willing to give upeverything _for you_ to fulfill your dream _even…_ without me by your side.” Jihoon was already crying at this point but he chose to wipe Soonyoung’s tears instead. 

“Before I left… I talked to your father. I told him everything and he understood me because apparently, he was also like that to your mom. Don’t be mad at him, Youngie. I made him promised to not tell you anything because it’s for the better. _See?_ You’re already the CEO of Kwon Enterprise.” he tried to smile at him because he’s really happy his lover finally achieved his dream. 

Soonyoung frowns though, “B-but Hoonie!” Jihoon shushed him with a boop on the nose. “I’m not done yet, _impatient baby._ ” the older sniffs as he nods. The younger then continues, “I don’t know if you knew but a month ago, your father went to L.A.” the former shakes his head. 

“Well, he did. He visited me and personally told me that you’re already the CEO. But it wasn’t his motive of coming there; he actually went to pick me up. But it wasn’t easy because I still need to talk to my boss and all that. So we made a deal that I’d come back after a month.” he looks at him with a small smile. 

“And I did. That day at the restaurant, I just got here and we met again. Your father told me everything that happened while I was gone. So when I bumped into Seungkwan, I was persistent to follow him no matter what it takes.” Jihoon cups Soonyoung’s face with his hands before staring at him. 

“I didn’t mean to leave you alone, Soonyoung. I only wanted the best _for you_ because you deserve _nothing else._ While I was in L.A _,_ all I can ever think about is  _you._ All the songs I made back then, are all about you _and_ for you. A day didn’t pass by without me thinking ‘Screw it! I’m going home.’” Jihoon explained quietly before he frowns deeply.

“But then… _I couldn’t…_ not just because of my contract but also because… _I wasn’t worthy of you yet._ ” he looks down so Soonyoung cups his face too. “You were _always_ worthy of me, Hoonie. I don’t care about what others will say; you are the  _only one_ who’s worthy of me. No one else but you, Lee Jihoon _._ ”

Soonyoung retorted as he stares at him with eyes and voice full of love. Jihoon’s tears flowed even more so he buried his face in his chest. “ _I’m sorry, Soonyoung._ I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you experience all those painful days. I’m really sorry.” 

The older wraps his arms around him tightly before muttering, “I forgive you, Jihoon. Just _please…_ promise me you’ll _never_ leave me again. Just please… _stay_ _with me._ ” he pleaded like a child. 

Jihoon wraps his arms around his waist, tightening the hug even more. “ _I promise._ I promise I’ll never leave you ever again _._ I promise I’ll stay with you till the end _._ I’ll _always_ be by yourside from now on.” 

Soonyoung slightly pulls away to softly bump their foreheads together. “I love you, Lee Jihoon. _I love you so much._ ” he softly confessed. “I love you more, Kwon Soonyoung. _I love you so much more._ ” Jihoon sincerely whispered before closing the gap between their lips. 

They kissed slowly, carefully, softly, as if it’s their _first time_ all over again. It was full of forgiveness, vulnerability, honesty, and it felt like going _home_ after being away from it for a long time. _Indeed it is._

It slowly turned into something else; they kissed with passion, longing, and affection. Jihoon pulled away to mutter, “Bed.” before kissing him again. Soonyoung stood up still not breaking the kiss as he also pulled the younger up. 

Jihoon immediately wrapped his arms around the older’s neck. Soonyoung’s hands went down to his thighs tapping it, a signal for him to jump so he did. The older then carried him to the bedroom still not breaking the kiss. 

And let’s just say that it was a day full of passionate yet lustful kisses, carefully exploring each other again, and it was full of _nothing but love… and only… love._  

**Later that night**

They’re currently lying down on their sides facing each other, staring at each other’s eyes warmly. Soonyoung’s arm around Jihoon’s waist, his fingers tracing random patterns on the younger’s side while his lover was caressing his neck with his slender fingers. 

“Marry me, love.” Soonyoung whispered as if it’s a secret between them. Jihoon’s heart started beating fast as he genuinely smiled. “Okay.” the older instantly beamed, “Let’s do it tomorrow!” 

Jihoon lightly slaps his cheek, “Ya! I want it to be _my_ dream wedding. Give me at least a few months to plan!” Soonyoung cheekily grins at him, “Then should we do it on our anniversary? It’s 3 months from now.” 

The younger playfully glares at him, “I need more than 3 months! It’s hard to plan a wedding!” the older pouts at him, “ _But Hoonie…_ ” said person shakes his head, “Not gonna work, _Soonyoung._ ” 

The latter then releases _the look_ he knew his lover would instantly give in. “ _Y-ya!_ Don’t give me the puppy look!” Jihoon cried out as he tears his gaze away from Soonyoung. 

But the older used his other hand to make Jihoon stare at him again. “ _Love…_ please? _Pretty pretty please, my lovely Jihoonie?_ ” Soonyoung cutely pleaded. Jihoon closes his eyes tight before sighing heavily. 

He opens them with a pout, “ _Fine._ On our anniversary.” Soonyoung giggles before grinning at him, “Yay! Thank you, my Jihoonie!” he kisses the pout away, making the other smile. _What can he do? Lee Jihoon is whipped for his big baby._  

“We’ll announce it to our families and friends tomorrow! Then let’s have an engagement party this weekend!” Soonyoung excitedly exclaimed. Jihoon chuckles at how excited _his fiancé_ is but he had to tease him, of course. 

“ _But love,_ why do we need to have an engagement party? That’s _too_ expensive.” he playfully pouts. “ _Because!_ The world needs to know that you are mineand I am yours! So _no one_ can take you away from me!” Soonyoung points out determined. 

Jihoon laughs out loud, “Okay. Relax, love.I’m _all yours_ whether the whole world knows or not. I’m _only_ yours.” he assures with a sincere smile. Soonyoung smiles too, “And I’m _all yours,_ too. _Only_ yours. I love you, Hoonie.” 

“I love you _more,_ Youngie.” Jihoon replied before sticking his tongue out. “No! I love you _most!_ ” Soonyoung protested with a pout. The younger raises an eyebrow, challenging him. “Oh yeah? _Prove it._ ” he smiles cheekily at his fiancé.

Soonyoung smirks at him, “Oh, _I will,_ Kwon Jihoon.” he replied seductively before hovering on top of his _soon-to-be_ husband and kissing him almost instantly. 

And yes… their night was _yet again_ full of love and only love ;) 

 **BONUS:**  

The next day, Wonwoo came barging in the apartment. “Soonyoung? Where are you? What happened?” he exclaimed worriedly, his fiancé alongside Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Junhui, and Minghao trailing closely behind him. 

A few hours before, Soonyoung messaged all of them to go to his apartment as soon as possible. So _of course,_ they all dropped whatever they were doing and quickly drove to the apartment. 

Soonyoung came out of the bedroom with Jihoon on his back. “ _Oh!_ Hi guys!” he happily greeted while the latter waves at them grinning. The former walks over the couch and places the younger there before sitting beside him.

He then taps his thigh; Jihoon instantly sat on his lap, clinging to him like a koala. Their friends were standing by the door with their jaws _literally_ dropped. Soonyoung looks at them confused, “Guys? Come on, sit around!” 

Everyone immediately found a place to sit around the couch, their eyes observing the couple looking lovingly at each other as if they weren’t even there. Seungcheol then fakes a cough. “What’s up with your message, Soonyoung?” 

Said person looks at him, “ _Oh…_ that…” then he looks at Jihoon who smiles at him, making him grin widely. “We’re getting married!” he exclaimed happily. Everyone gasp but only Wonwoo stood up to exclaim, “You what!” 

Soonyoung grins wider as he looks at them. “Hoonie and I are getting married on our anniversary!” Jeonghan looks at him in disbelief, “Isn’t that 3 months from now?” the younger nods, “Yes!” 

Jeonghan’s eyebrow furrowed, “Isn’t that _too_ short to plan _the_ wedding of _the century?_ ” Jihoon sighs, “This idiot here wants it to happen _as soon as possible._ He even suggested to do it today!” 

Before anyone can react, Wonwoo protested while looking at his best friend. “Wait! Are you _seriously_ marrying him?” then he points at Jihoon accusingly that made Soonyoung nod enthusiastically. 

“Yes! There’s _no one_ I’d marry than my Jihoonie!” Wonwoo gives him an incredulous look, “You already forgave him?” the older nods, “Yup! So _all_ of you should do too!” 

Before Wonwoo can react again, Seungcheol stood up with a grin before patting his cousin’s head. “I’m _really_ happy for you, Soonie.” then he turns to Jihoon, “Thank you for nevergiving up on him, Ji.” 

Jihoon smiles at him, “Thank _you_ for encouraging me, Cheol hyung.” Junhui also walks over, gesturing for them to stand up. Once they did, he envelops them in a hug. “I’m proud of both of you.” they hugged him back in appreciation. 

They all sat down before Soonyoung speaks again, “ _Also!_ We’re going to have our engagement party this weekend!” Jeonghan perks up at that, “ _Ohh!_ I’m sure Kwannie will be delighted to be the emcee for it!” 

Soonyoung nods excitedly, “ _I know!_ We actually want him to be the emcee for our wedding as well.” Minghao excitedly raises his hand, “Hyung! I’ll be the official photographer, _okay?_ ” 

Jihoon and Soonyoung chuckled at how excited he is. “There’s no one else but you, Hao.” Jihoon winks at him before looking around. “Anyone else wants to volunteer?” he playfully asked. 

Mingyu excitedly raises his hand as well. “ _Me!_ You can have the engagement party at our hotel! I’ll personally handle the food and drinks to be served! Also on the wedding day!” 

Soonyoung nods at him with a smile, “Thanks, Gyu!” Jeonghan smirks at them, “Cheol and I will take care of your house. We can start planning after the wedding so you guys could focus on that first.” 

The younger gave him and his husband a look that made Seungcheol playfully sighs. “ _Yes, Soonie._ Free of charge.” his cousin beams at him, “ _That’s_ my favorite hyung!Thank you!” 

Jeonghan playfully protested though. “Ya! _Why_ is it free of charge? Soonyoung’s the  _most_ wealthy of us, and it’ll be _twice as much_ if you combine Jihoon's!” his husband just shrugs making the others laugh except for Wonwoo. 

Jihoon noticed it so he tentatively asks him, “Wonwoo? Are you okay?” said person glares at him, “The moment you leave him again, I will hunt you and make sure no one can identify your body.” 

The younger visibly gulps; Wonwoo can be very intimidating than usual when he wants to be. Soonyoung throws a pillow exactly on his face that made Wonwoo glare at him instead but the former only glared twice as hard. 

“YA! _Don’t_ scare my husband like that! And _just so you know,_ he won’tleave me anymore because I’ll be clinging on him! So I go _wherever_ he goes!” he determinedly stated making the rest snicker. 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes at him, “ _Just so you know,_ he’s not yet your husband.” he retorted using the same voice. “He will be soon!” Soonyoung declared before sticking his tongue out at him while the rest laughs at how childish the two can be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking your time to read this ღ
> 
> Kudos and comments (+ criticisms) are very much appreciated ｡ ◕‿◕｡
> 
> ✘✘✘ Edited and re-edited all by myself. Please kindly excuse all errors and inaccuracies. ✘✘✘


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